Ordinary Is a Learned Behavior
Ordinary Is a Learned Behavior
Take the Third Path, The Capability Gap, Pain vs. Action Threshold
“The fishing is best were the fewest go, and the collective insecurity of the world makes it easy for people to hit home runs while everyone else is aiming for base hits.” - Tim Ferriss
“Be uncommon amongst uncommon people.” - David Goggins
What Happened to Our Dreams?
In the minds of children, the sky is the limit for their potential. Somewhere along the path to adulthood, that inspiration is lost in most of us. We become complacent with less. I propose that this complacency is a learned behavior imposed on us by society. From an early age we are put into an education system that is uniform to everyone and develops skills that make us good workers but not individuals. Many critical life skills such as personal finance, leadership, entrepreneurial thinking, etc., are overlooked. It is also during this time that children are told that their dreams of being a professional athlete, bestselling author, pop star, Fortune 500 CEO, etc., are all unattainable. They are told that these are unrealistic goals. Author Robert Greene would call these dreams our “childhood calling” or “life’s task”. They point to what we were meant to do and are what will provide us with fulfillment in our lives. Unfortunately, we are too frequently talked out of chasing them. We settle for less and pursue careers that have nothing to do with our early dreams. We become ordinary and live a comfortable yet unfulfilled life. However, those few who ignore those around them and stay true to themselves are the masters of life. As Steve Jobs said, “the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.” As children, we are all that crazy. We are all unique, literally by our DNA, and have a calling particular to ourselves. People are familiar with the Robert Frost poem The Road Less Travelled. We use it is a symbol for taking the hard way when facing two paths. I like to think that we should all choose to travel the third path, the path no one has yet travelled. That is the path that only you can walk. Why would you live a life that wasn’t meant for you? Don’t accept ordinary, only accept what you were meant to be.
The Capability Gap
Alabama Football Coach Nick Saban defines The Capability Gap as the difference between what you are capable of and what you are currently doing. Living an ordinary life means that your capability gap is high. Why do we not strive to minimize this gap? A big part of the reason is because we are told it is OK to be average. It is tough to perform to the highest of our abilities on a regular basis. We look for any reason not to do something difficult, and excuses come not only from our internal dialogue, but from outside sources too. Society not only squashes people’s dreams by telling them to “be realistic” but also excuses sub-optimal performance by telling them they are “doing enough” or “deserve a break”. Watching Netflix, eating junk food, sleeping in late, etc, are all encouraged under the guise of saying “you worked hard, treat yourself.” This isn’t to say you can’t have enjoyment in life, but the threshold that society holds as acceptable is by definition average. Most of us are capable of more than we are giving. Capable of a lot more. The goal is to lower your capability gap and become closer to the best version of yourself. Wake up every day and choose not to be ordinary.
The Mediocrity Trap
One reason we excuse living below our potential is because ordinary is comfortable. We tell ourselves ordinary is “good enough.” That statement should trigger you. “Good enough” is the loser’s mentality. Mediocrity is so dangerous because it disguises comfort as success. This is a false pretense, don’t settle for less than you would have dreamed of as a child. It is tough to escape the mediocrity trap because comfort doesn’t provide a high enough pain level to trigger people’s action threshold. There is no motivation to do more. Yet these same people are often the ones you hear saying “must be nice” or “I wish I could do ____.” Statements like these are indicators of an unfulfilled life, but these people are also comfortable enough to not seek a change or do more with what they currently have. Acknowledging the mediocrity trap for what it is, is a helpful tool to spur action and begin harnessing your untapped potential. If the five-year-old version of you wouldn’t have been satisfied with it, then the current you shouldn’t be satisfied either. Otherwise, you made a concession somewhere down the line.
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Thomas